repost: words…

May 3, ‘09 1:38 PM

awww!!!! it’s been a long time since i’ve actually written an entry here.
seems like it’s been ages…. hmmnnn… i’ve really been busy lately but i feel lazy doing all of them…
i just feel like i need to find time for myself but i cant since i still have responsibilities in school…
was it a bad idea to be researching during vacation??? i kind of regret it since i really want to spend summer vacation lazily!!!!
i just want to laze around… sleep, eat and just relax…. but i guess i cant do that…. ::sigh~~~~::

now let’s get going with the real reason i am typing this entry….
i…. i feel restless…. i have this feeling that i cannot understand… more importantly i feel confused…
or maybe i’m just thinking too much…

it all started with a little game….
yup, a game of truth or dare…
i lost. and i have to get a punishment. but i get to choose what kind of punishment. i chose dare. it’s easier. way easier (i think)
but my other “friends” decided for me. and i was kind of forced to do the “truth” part.
and guess what?! i did not refused. i just went with the flow. and makes me furious and mad to myself >.<
i should not have accepted such fate! i should not have allowed such event to happen.
i accepted it like it was most natural thing to do. and then it happened. the most awaited question. i;ve thought of my answer.
but at the same time i wanted to escape at that very moment. i wanted to just disappear like *poof*! but reality is so cruel. truth hurts like more than anything. and it deeply hurts more when people do not understand your reasons. people tend to assume on their own. people believe what they want to see. i could care less of what people think of me. But i cannot accept the fact that they assume on their own the reason i have responded.

is it wrong to weigh things carefully before answering a question answerable by “yes” or “no”????
yup! i do think carefully about it. i want to think carefully about it. i need to think carefully about it.
i have to, ’cause if i don’t, i might have lost my self respect, or worse even my dignity.
it’s hard to explain to other people when they do not exactly know what happened.
and now, i’ll tell you the reason i want to think things carefully before answering questions, even if they are just answerable by yes or no.

it was years back, when i was much much younger, naive and blunt. (even though i’m still quite the same but not that much =.=;)
a classmate once asked me a question which was really simple no explanations needed, just a short and simple answer.
i answered quickly without thinking through what i’ve got to say. i even made an unnecessary explanation to make my answer even more convincing. but guess what? i regretted it. i really do. my classmate did not talked to me for more than a month. he ignored me like i never existed. ii seemed like we never knew each other for years. it was all broken.

i should not have answered so quickly. i should not have given a thoughtless answer. i should have taken my time to answer it. i should have carefully thought of what i would be saying.

another incident happened with another friend. i’m not so sure of what i told him, but i am certain that i have used the wrong words to him for him to almost erase me in his life. wahaha!!! how dramatic can that be?!! but that was how i felt when he suddenly deleted me as one of his contacts. He stopped sending me text/mail messages. it just stopped.

now, you see the power of words. once you’ve let them out of your mouth you cannot eat them back. you cannot throw or tear them out them burn them just to make sure no trace of it leaves your mouth. Words are powerful. They create an impact on others and make an impression of you. whatever you say reflects you. whichever and however you say such words creates an image of you. Even if those words are directed to others it brings out a reflection of you. and i remember having read a quote from a book, “your words must always be edible, for you may need to take them back and eat them.”

i have reflected on these past situations and i would never ever want to experience them again. i have regretted it once, i would not want to
endure such negativity.

a simple “yes” or “no” could change everything. and i mean EVERYTHING. impossible? unbelievable? maybe.
but to me, it was so real. so real that i can still remember how i stupidly made those mistakes.
that’s why i;ve learned from them.
not say words carelessly. it was my resolution.

the power of words.